2025 Recap
January:
Had to have one of the hardest conversations in my life, leading to the end of a five year relationship. Stayed awake for days in a row and also slept for days in row. Many late night walks in 9° weather to Taco Bell. I’m still not fully healed from this, but every day I realize that this was meant to happen.
February: Grief really setting in. First Valentine’s Day alone in years. Having a hard time making visual art, but I’m starting to produce a lot of poetry for my poetry class.
March: I felt a bit of peace during this time. Had a super fun saint Patrick’s day. Got a crazy tonsil stone that made my whole face swell up.
April: SGCI IN PUERTO RICO!!! Swimming was so healing and beautiful. Actually such a stressful finals season but the stress pales in comparison to this falls finals.
May: very shitty final review. Grief is hitting super duper hard, as I start to realize this healing process is going to be a long one. Switch meds to Wellbutrin — changed my life for the better!!! I finally don’t need to take a five hour nap everyday! I can read without skipping around
June: IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND A JOB. Saw Greer’s final show. So hot, AC barely works. Apartment is constant blowing fuses which will continue through the summer.
July: Find a job finally. Super sad, crying everyday but I am starting to feel more and more connected with myself and body. I realize I’ve been derealized for a very long time. Rediscovering my emo self. I get covid
August: For some reason, this was the peak of my grief. I was a fucking wreckkkkk. I was sobbing until I had black eyes. I was lowkey scaring myself. I go to Maine with friends. At the end of August I move out of my apartment which was a fucking PAIN IN THE ASS!!! Thought I was gonna die
September: move into a very nice apartment. I’m still sad but I’m starting to get more comfortable being alone. Im shown affection for the first time since breaking up, which must be comparable to heroin. I saw the blaring red flags, but I ignored them, which I will regret letter. I get my nose pierced. My grandfather passed away after long battle with dementia
BLACK PARADE LIVE!!! Life changing event. God I love mcr.
October: I realize I am being led on, but I cannot help myself because it feels so good. Beginning of needless drama
November: contender for worst month of the year. Three people in my life are terminally ill. I’m very hurt by someone that I trusted. Everything has changed. I’m so stressed out that I lose 20 pounds over September to October. I turn 23. I am still reeling from November, and I think this is going to have tough implications for the rest of my senior year.
December: finals are so damn stressful, but I survive. Review is whatever, I don’t think I got much from it. Left over weird behavior from some people. I am feeling very lonely, probably worse than I would have felt if I wasn’t led on. Still receiving mixed signals. I’m in a rock and hard place. Spending time with my hometown friends. Wonderful Christmas presents. I’m anticipating the end of the year
2025 has been full of trials and tribulations. I’m not religious or really that spiritual but this year had me praying and looking at my horoscope. I meditated, I talked to water a lot. I lost my mind a million times over. Through the pain, there were beautiful moments of growth and laughter. Going to Puerto Rico was super enriching and inspiring. My trip to NYC makes me feel warm and fuzzy with the love of my friends. Seeing my chem again perform Black Parade was the best concert I’ve ever been to.
I am so tired and drained, and I hope I can reap some rewards in 2026. I need a little bit of hedonistic, sexy, celebratory vibe. I Need amazing opportunities and bountiful relationships. I need hope. I have hope.
Stay hopeful
- cash